Have you ever carefully studied a piece of chicken fat? Go ahead. Look at that nastiness the next time you see some at the store. It’s gross. And I mean seriously gross. A gelatinous stretchy piece of rubbery film covers other bits of nastiness like cartilage and the random vein here or there. I had the chance to carefully study a piece at 39,000 feet high over central Vietnam from the comfort of my seat in the flight deck.
The food arrived concealed by a tin cover labeled “chix.” Who taught them this abbreviation? Already this sounded like some cutesy American fast food name designed to distract us from the fact it’s not real chicken. You know how they give things a name sounding like the real deal when it is anything but.
But this was real chicken which leads us back to the fat and skin which I got to thinking about. We spend countless hours in the gym and an exorbitant amount of time worrying about purging excess fat from our bodies. So if people of ample girth have spawned an entire industry out of weight loss then why in the hell do the Vietnamese eat this fatty crap like there’s no tomorrow? I mean seriously. If collecting fat on our bodies is bad for us then why would we put pure fat back in our bodies via our food holes? Oh the mysteries of Vietnam.
Of course I carefully peeled back the fat blankets on the chix chunks and a mound of dark meet waited. Another thing here…isn’t the dark meat the part of the chicken with all the cholesterol? The diet gurus would be flipping out by now. The actual taste was somewhere between salty barbecue sauce and General Tso’s chicken. The addition of the vegetable is a nice touch but these tart greens were overly salted. A lone sliced chili pepper added some heat after I smeared it all over the bird chunks.
Serving this one in America would be akin to driving over a cliff. First of all, the already overloaded court system would grind to halt as people sued because this one contributed to their ever expanding waistline. We all know how Mickey D’s gets sued every once in a while so the precedent is set. The pepper would burn someone going in the body and then later coming out so there is another problem. Not to mention the fact that some already allergy prone kid would probably go into anaphylactic shock from touching the pepper.
Yes, this one is a minefield in a tin foil box. But as dangerous as all that fat could be, I had to smile for most of my pilot friends back home are definitely not getting a hot meal on a 2 hour flight. Once the chicken is properly processed with a knife, it sure does beat peanuts and pretzels.